Still Processing

  

  
I used the word “death” the other day.

Out loud, in general conversation. 

It was the first time I didn’t avoid it. 

Even writing it now, I feel the familiar lump forming. 

I wonder if that feeling will ever disappear. . .

Or if I would ever want it to. 

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In Response: Ignorance and Addiction

FullSizeRender (11)

 

In response to a comment on an article  about addiction, since I do not have Facebook I cannot reply – so if someone could link this guy (and anyone else who feels the same) to my reply:

Still raw with grief from the loss of a young man I loved with all my heart and soul, a big piece of me wants to scream: Shut your mouth you ignorant, insensitive F**K!  You have NO idea what you are talking about!

But that’s just it.  You have NO idea what you are talking about.  So let me tell you.  This dialogue is long overdue.  It would seem your soul, in all its journeys, never had to learn the lesson that leads to this particular type of compassion.   A compassion for people lost within their addiction.  It’s difficult to learn.  I pray you don’t have to learn it the way too many others have.  I pray you don’t have to find it as you hold your writhing child in your arms until the dark force passes, praying to see the  light shine in their eyes again.  I pray that you don’t have to learn the hard way that no one we love is safe just because we love them.  The dark side has taken some of the best.  We all have reason to grieve in this.

We are all responsible – our society as a whole.  With a drug store on every corner, with drug companies running our insurance and our insurance deciding what our doctors prescribe.  Legal pushers.  With all the ads on television telling us there is a pill for all of our pain.  They even tell us it may kill us, but ask your doctor if it’s still right for you.

Do you remember how painful growing up felt at times?  Well they got a pill for that now too.  And it may lead you to a needle.  And the needle, it will probably be your end.  But maybe its still right for you?  You see how it works?

Does this sound like a disease of someone who doesn’t want to live? To me it sounds like the disease of a society that doesn’t know how to live with pain.  We can’t keep denying this truth.  We can’t keep shaming the victims of our collective disease.  We are all infected in some way.

Do you get it now?  I truly hope you do.  But if you still haven’t learned compassion and the flood should come to force you from your shelter, I still pray someone has that compassion for you and yours. And that you won’t have to read some ignorant comment in the wake of your grief.  And most of all I pray that your comment and the stigma it perpetuates doesn’t keep someone else from getting help.

Thank you for your time.

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Word Up

So excited to share a new post for a new client, Psychics Foretell.com offering live psychic readings, horoscopes and all things new age.  Go see what energies are moving you today!

Words can be magical.  I’m not talking abracadabra magic.  I mean magic in the stories they hold.  Powerful magic.  Words can hold meanings deeper than we can fully grasp at times.  There are words in other languages that just cannot be translated cleanly into English.  There are certain notions that for whatever reason cannot be fully expressed using the words we know.  These words hold a special magic to me.  They hold doors to alternate viewpoints.  They may contain concepts my cultural experience does not value; concepts that I once felt alone in pondering until I found the words from another culture.

Take for instance, one such magical word I recently discovered, the Sanskrit word “lila”.  It is related to the English word “play” but is actually much much deeper.  “Play” in English is something we do to amuse ourselves.  Adults generally play to compete (sometimes taking all the amusement out of it!)   For adults, playing for fun can be seen as a fantastic waste of time.  Kids “play” by nature.  They play to explore, to learn and to create.   This childish play is more akin to “lila” only “lila” is not childish at all.

Lila is the play of the Divine.  Lila is the free play of the creative force of life and the world we see is the result of this play.  And as beings of the Divine, each with that creative life force flowing within, our life experience is a continuance of this creative play.  Through each unique body, from each unique point of awareness, the Divine creator gets to experience this world, its creation through us.   And when we actively join in this Divine play, we become co-creators of its evolution.

I can’t help but wonder how differently I would see the world if, as a child, I was taught that play was divine.  That my imagination was linked to the creative force behind the manifestation of the universe.   And while I can never know if having this different understanding as a child may have changed my journey, I can know what it is like to journey from here with a childlike openness to the adventure before me.  That is just one magic created by a word.

I gained this fresh perspective on life all from a tiny word that doesn’t translate.  New stories arise in my mind’s eye inspired by the grand concept this tiny word conveys.  Worlds I have no doubt I can make manifest in some way from understanding the meaning rooted in arranging four letters in just such a way.  And it is just one word of many for me that holds the promise of fresh magic in my life.
Yes.  Words are truly are that powerful.  Our words create our stories.   It is no coincidence we call the practice of writing words spelling.  Think about it.

What old spells have you been using to weave a holding pattern for yourself?  What old stories do you keep telling that no longer serve you?  And what new spells await your mastery?  Find new words and create a new story that speaks your truth as it stands today.   You are the creator, you hold that magic.

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Healing Journey: Leap ~ Higher Self

March post for the fantastic fam at Nourishing Storm.  Leap on over to their page and see what they got cookin!

I want to leap over the split that divides us

          build a bridge across and unite us

Want to leap to higher ground, want to clearly see

         where there is no “them” and only one love for “we”

Leap to understand

   so I can learn to stand

And to be myself in Truth

   the self I glimpsed in my youth

Who would take any leap before her

          But this time for no one save for her

You see I am older now

  and my soul has learned how

To take hold and wield my power

           Oh yes, I am awake now sir

I am no longer asleep

   … but is it too late to leap?

I took so much time

           made so many stops…

But my love is strong

           and I still got hops


                  …..leap…..

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Healing Journey: Passion ~ Wide Awake

February’s theme post for my favorite yoga studio.  See what the Storm is offering to help awaken the passions of your soul.

stardust.jpg

 

It was a dark and foggy night.  And my mind was never clearer.

I felt drawn to play some music while packing lunches.  The playlist started with Joni Mitchell’s Woodstock, into CSNY’s Deja Vu, over to Carry On and finally Teach Your Children.  After a day of crazy coincidences (or, as I now see them, divine synchronicities), lucid visions during savasana and a stream of conversations about raising consciousness, these songs just calibrated my soul to the good stuff.

“We are stardust.  We are golden.  We are billion year old carbon.  And we’ve got to get ourselves back to the garden…

We have all been here before…

Carry on.  Love is coming to us all…

And so become yourself…”

Oh yes ma’am! Again and again, universal message received!  I’m awakening to the universe and feel on fire for its magnitude.  I have no clue how exactly I apply this understanding but I am dying, no wait, I am LIVING to get to work.  I used to get so close to understanding myself energetically but then some learned response would tell me I’ve lost my marbles.  But I keep coming back to it.  And it keeps getting validated.  Because it is true.  And I don’t need no stinkin’ marbles where I want to go.  I just need to be open.  I just need to follow my passion where it leads.

My passion feels like this truth burning inside of me, burning away the smog from my vision and from my mind.  This newly awakened passion is pulling a song from my soul, the one I was meant to sing but I haven’t known the words.  For so long I sang the song I thought we all are supposed to sing.  But that song hid my voice and its tune never really made me want to dance.  But I kept singing it until I started hearing that quiet voice telling me to change the channel.

I met myself in a place above the binding ego, striving for Buddhi level, where I can see clearly that I’ve got to lend my voice to a much greater symphony.  I haven’t fully heard my part.  I just know I have to continue to study the science of life.  I know, for me,  I must entwine the subtle and tangible into my work.   And I know by following this leading, my soul’s path in this collective journey of awakening and rising will be known just when I need to know it.  With a persistent faith and unshakable gratitude, I know I am headed the right way.   And I fully trust we each have a part to play.  The passion of the soul will light the way.  What do you burn for?  I want to see your light.

Get to a place of higher ground within, a place the pulls ego can’t quite reach.  Where judgments disintegrate, and thoughts are weightless. A place where you see you are boundless, timeless, endless.  A place where it feels like just one more step and you would be absorbed by the universe.  Get there and see the truth for yourself.  Your truth.  And let it burn away the haze and ignite your deepest passion.

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive.  And then go do that.  Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”  Harold Whitman

 

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Random thoughts: the elements …. water 

Too much heat

And the water dries into the air

The earth remains

But life ceases to exist

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Healing Journey: Girl on Fire

The first post of new year for Nourishing Storm.  Go see what the tribe has in store for the community in 2017!

burning woman,illustration art

I sat with the new year, the new me theme in my mind. What do you hope to manifest in the new year? I sat. And sat. And sat. I was getting frustrated. Close your eyes. Breathe. Get centered. Visualize. Nothing. What do you want? I start picturing my family. In this dream house. I drink more tea and water with lemon in this house. It is perpetually spring in this house. I win the lottery in this house. I magically enjoy laundry in this house.

What are you doing? What am I doing? My goal is to like laundry? This isn’t working. So I head to the fridge. I grab some veggies. New year, shed the winter coat right? I munch on my healthy choice wondering why I can’t visualize anything true. My stomach growls. Not out of hunger. It was more of a “Really? Salad?” kind of growl. I looked at the salad put the fork down and looked out the window for inspiration. Cold rain and wind. And an empty garden bed still asleep for the winter. Mmmm sleep.

I just woke up not long ago and I’m tired. Well really I’m cold and want a blanket. And I fed myself a cold salad and expect what? It is cold and dry and my bones ache. The Vata wind is scattering my mind. And I eat a salad. And I wonder why attempts at creating a vision for my year are failing?

So I sit again. And listen. To my body this time. My inner fire isn’t getting fed right. In the quiet, I see this. It is a sputtering airy flame. Sometimes there, mostly not. I either am on task or feeling burnt and brittle. Mentally, I’m a space cadet. And I ate a cussin salad?

I need a slow, steady burn. I need warm and oily food. Grounding food. I need to oil my body, oil my feet. Self care. Build ojas, that good good earth mamma stuff that keeps me feeling solid and steady without weighing me down. I need a barrier between my skin and this cold wind. I need to feel gathered.

And the fire will come back. I rely on the inner fire in my winter. And I was so caught up in some misguided idea of what health looks like and some forced way of meditating, I ignored what I innately know. I threw myself off balance. I was too heavy on the cold air when I needed hot oil up in this jawnski.

Our eyes are our organs of Fire. Visions do not happen without the flames burning bright. If I am not solid and grounded and fully integrated into the moment, I am hollow at best. Integrity is what I want. Being all there so when I need to go all in, I can. I’m not forcing my vision. My job right now is to root down, feed my body what it needs for this time to balance. Give it love inside and out. Prepare for the fire season by making sure my pilot light stays lit. Ever ready for when inspiration strikes to ignite my soul.

Take two: I eat a slice of warm oiled grainy bread, some soft, cooked roots and a handful of nuts. And I sit sated and quiet. Rooted and open. I listen. Look ahead all you want my dear, the big picture you seek isn’t fixed and still. Visualize the way, not the end. See the things you burn for, those things that light you from within and make you shine. Healing, learning, serving, teaching, creating, loving. These torches of your truth will illuminate your way. Do you understand? Yes. Do you feel the fire rising? Yes. Good, now grab your torch and go, fearless and true. And, child, if you ever feed me a salad again when I’m cold and frazzled.. Yep, got it! Tend my fire in all its seasons. . . and you will always have its light. Sat Nam.

Develop the inner vision and the habit of listening to the inner Voice; and you are assured of unshakable Peace and infinite Joy. ~ Atharvaveda

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