Healing Journeys: Trust ~A Work in Progress, Working the Process

A fall post for the wonderful wanderers over at Nourishing Storm.  Go see what’s new and good.

crow-300x240

I have always had trust issues. It wasn’t until very recently that I fully understood it was a lack of self-trust at the root of them all. I suppose most issues are self-issues at the root.

I’m indecisive. I can see things from multiple perspectives. I think that is a good thing and it is for keeping an open mind. But I need to delineate my own true perspective from all the others and make decisions from that place. I know this.

It is not easy for me. I have been wrong so many times before about so many things, so many people, so many feelings. But if I am honest, most of the times where I’ve been wrong it was in my lack of trust in my own process or my lack of boundaries protecting that process. Sometimes it is just easier to do what is expected of you instead of what is true of you. Until it isn’t.

My personal definition of trust is having faith in the outcome of following my Truth. I stumble and doubt and fear but I keep going when it feels right. My trust is my process. I apply this process by checking my direction, my actions, and my feelings against my truth. If it jives, I move on. If it doesn’t, I re-calibrate. My path isn’t determined by the destination I seek mostly because I do not have a fixed destination. Allowing the end to be open has been the biggest test of courage and trust in my life.

I exercise my trust by being authentic. I seek the ever-evolving integrity of my flawed being. I walk my path with my heart as my compass and Love as my true north. It isn’t always comfortable despite how romantic I just made it sound.  My heart is my compass and Love is my north.

Pretty words. But in reality some truths of this world are not gracious. Some would leave me broken if I didn’t find a way to accept them.  These ugly truths of the life offer their grace in their forgiveness.  As much as they cut, I’ve found they carve the heart more deeply to make space for the fresh faith we need to go on.

I can’t ever know what really lies ahead no matter how much faith I have. I’ve been knocked off my path more than a few times. And I’ve wandered off and chosen wrong just as many times too. I may not be walking a path that anyone else can understand. What I do know is that I will never regret the steps I take and decisions I make when they are rooted in honesty and unconditional love. Not ever.

So that is my process. I fuel up on grace and inspiration in whatever form they offer themselves to me in each moment. Then I keep going in the direction of my heart. I trust that is enough. I trust I am enough.

Like the flower gives a fragrance, give yourself a chance, just a chance, to trust yourself, love yourself, and be yourself. Now close your eyes, raise your right hand, place your left hand on your heart, and take a vow, repeating 3 times: I trust myself, I love myself, I am myself. —Yogi Bhajan

Advertisements
Posted in expanding, Live and Learn, Nourishing Storm, Uncategorized, Vibes, Yoga | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Unlimited Potential

Another fall post I wrote for the folks over at PsychicsForetell.  Go check out the future 🙂

IMG_2952

It is interesting to me how collectively we are so mistrusting of the expansive possibilities in this world.  But tell us something to fear, well, that we find a bit easier to believe.  Sometimes fear paralyzes us.  Or, it does that to me anyways.  But I’m working on trusting the possibilities and seeing through the fear.  I’m tired of being programmed to accept limiting beliefs and being guarded when it comes to limitless potential.  Even if it means I’m crazy.

Every living thing is of the same energy.   Some say it is in the center of each of us.  Like the core in our Earth and the sun in our galaxy.  It is the energy that enlivens everything and has an infinite number of ways to express itself.  And here we are, each having a slice of this energy and free will to boot.  We have the amazing opportunity to experience living during this particular expression of life.  Maybe we have other chances at it, infinite expressions of ourselves. Maybe some in this particular form already.  Maybe we get glimpses of how else this life has played out in our imaginings, past lives in our daydreams, alternate realities in our night dreams.

I know.  It does sound crazy I guess.  But try to imagine infinity – no boundaries, no endings.  What can be impossible where there are no boundaries?

So if we can accept there might be an infinite source or if we believe we have everlasting souls or if we can understand that energy cannot be created or destroyed only transformed (which has been proven – yay science!), then mustn’t we also accept that nothing is too crazy in this limitless space, especially things that can be imagined by our limited minds?

There is more to this place than we can possibly fathom.  More than we may see in this lifetime.  But the stuff our souls are made of  is beyond the container of time and space.  And I believe the world needs us to start thinking beyond those limits.  Anyone agree?

Posted in expanding, Just Sayin, PsychicsForetell, Uncategorized, Vibes | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Breaking Patterns

One of last fall’s post for my friends over at PsychicsForetell

FullSizeRender (20)

Our thoughts have patterns.  Our thoughts can be made manifest when given our attention and energy.  Everything made by man started out as a idea.  A formless idea.  Our thoughts hold the potential to become something measurable through our actions, our words, and their effects can be seen in our health. Lately I’ve been working on breaking the patterns that don’t serve me well in thought, deed or health.

I have noticed I have a tendency to go a certain way mentally with certain triggers.  I’ve slowly been able to identify these triggers as I’ve upped my awareness game through meditation.   I’ve learned a lot about myself in silence.   I can be quick to anger and overly competitive. I perceive things as a personal challenge even when they aren’t meant to be a challenge (or personal!) at all.  It is how my mind works.  Anger is just my go to emotion.  Maybe it’s just that Aries thing.  I take things to a different level in my mind, a level way out of line from the actual situation.  I have sometimes feared for my sanity because I go that overboard in my mind.  And my anger usual settles into some form of anxiety when left unchecked.

When my mind begins to play out scenarios that get me ready for an imaginary duel or an act of vengeance, I have started to break the pattern using mantra.  One of my favorite mantras is Sa-Ta-Na-Ma from Kundalini practice.  Sa-Ta-Na-Ma is from Sat Nam or truth is my name.  I chose this one as Yogi Bhajan has taught that this mantra can help realign our thought patterns to be consistent with the truth that is the universal consciousness.  But I could really do just about anything to redirect my thoughts.  I just have been working on truth and integrity so this fit.  I recognize the trigger patterns and emotions arising and I begin my mantra, silently or out loud, until I am no longer present with the false emotion.  Sometimes it just takes a couple rounds.  Sometimes I need to be with it for a little longer.

I don’t want to waste my imagination and mental creativity on imagining ways to beat someone at something or getting ahead of something that may or may not be real.  I’ve lived long enough in this body on this earth to know that is a fantastic waste of a precious resource.  When I start feeling the anger and competitiveness creep into my internal dialogue, I pause and sit with it for a second.  Is it rational?  Usually it isn’t or at least not to the level that my Ram brain has taken it.  If there truly isn’t a need to feel anger, I’ll start my mantra.  If it is a protective anger, I look to use it to ignite an action but nothing more.  Anger and I have gotten too familiar in the past so it is important for me to know when the welcome is worn.

As I practice this, I am getting better with simply redirecting as soon as I recognize it.  But sometimes I’m stubborn (Aries!), and so there are times I still have to force the redirection.  It is what it is.  But I have noticed I am much happier than I was when I allowed myself free reign with my anger and the anxieties it brings with it.  Since most of the affronts were perceived and not really out there, the anger I’d let grow wouldn’t have a real outlet and would trickle into other areas of life.  I’d be a little sharper with the next person I encountered.  I’d unconsciously try to pick a fight elsewhere so I could let it out.  Or I’d keep it inside and actually feel sick.  It is a vicious cycle and a needless one.  So I’m breaking it and this is what has worked for me.  I’m curious, what has worked for you?  Please share below.

Posted in Live and Learn, PsychicsForetell, Uncategorized, Yoga | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Healing Journey: Flow the Ebbs

One of last summer’s posts for the fine folks at Nourishing Storm

IMG_3733-768x348

There is a rhythm to life. A divine order to all the movement in the universe. We share these rhythms with the universe and we each have our own. We find our heart’s song when we find our flow within these rhythms.

The way of our world doesn’t always go with this flow. This world wants to move forward on warp speed and has us thinking that is how our journey should look as well. But when we look to the natural rhythm we see we don’t move on a linear path. Nature and our souls flow on a spiral. Circling around while still on the path of evolution.

We experience these ebbs and flows much like our natural world. The waves and tides rolling like our breath. The waxing and waning of the moon, the rising and setting of the sun, the choreography of the stars across the night sky like the phases, cycles and seasons of our own lives.

Unlike our natural world, we try to control our ebbs and flows. We usually pay more attention to the ebbs. Where we feel like our progress is halted or reversed. That downward spin of the spiral, we resist. We resist the waning period of our lives. We resist the the dark times. We don’t swim in the low tides.

The cycles and spirals are the way of life. Always moving towards adapting and evolving with the new energies at play. The universe, the galaxy, the Earth all constantly contracting and expanding like our lungs, like our pulse, like all our vital signs of life. It is no coincidence that we share these rhythms and no coincidence that being in nature can call us back into rhythm. Yet still we resist the ebbs. We forget that even as they pull upon our hearts, we are still moving within a greater flow. That is the flow we must connect with. That is the flow that carries us through to a greater awareness and sense of purpose and order in our lives. It is subtle. It is almost imperceptible, especially in the midst of what feels like a spiritual recession. That there still could be a stream of abundance found in the waning periods and new moons of life seems impossible. And it probably is if we only look for a linear path to self actualization or if our progress is only measured against fixed, external mile markers that we had no hand in making.

But that is not how life works. And we know this. There must be an up for every down and a give for every take. When we resist our contraction, we limit our expansion. We can move through the downs with grace when we allow our soul to be unbound from the rigid limits of a linear path. When we remember we don’t move that way. When we dance along the infinite spiral, we see there is always a flow.

“Dreaming, dreaming, sleeping, awakening –
Rhythms of darkness and light.
Day and night, night and day, wondering . . .
Who am I? Who AM I?

Who is morphing through this
Ever-shifting flow?
Beloved, wake up!
Dance in your true body before time,
Shimmering energy without end.”
Radiance Sutras – Lorin Roche

Posted in expanding, Nourishing Storm, Uncategorized, Yoga | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Punching a Higher Floor

A fall post I wrote for the good people at PsychicsForetell.  

FullSizeRender (19)

 

If in the end we are all on one team, who are we trying to get ahead of? And how has money become the way ahead? If all the money was evenly distributed and all resources shared equally among us, what could we build? If we weren’t competing but instead collaborating, what could we imagine together? What would our costs to live look like? What would cost even mean?

We say things like “time is money”. Time is much greater than money. We have a system that forces too many to sell their time at a fraction of what it is worth. Everyone’s time is priceless. No one’s time is more valuable than anyone else’s. Our time with our friends, our time with our families, our time alone, our time here on Earth. Priceless. Not a single one of us has a contract with time. No one is guaranteed another single second. But so many have to trade it for a piece of paper that actually, literally holds no real value. How can a system that values money over life be sustainable?

Time is the real commodity. And our time should be spent in service, sharing our particular light with our families, our communities, and our world. Our technology should be used to bring us together, not distract us from our lives. Why does making a living that nourishes our souls and makes the world a better place at the same time seem so far out of reach for most of us? Why do so many of us have to do work that is meaningless to us for companies that see us as resources instead of THE SOURCES that we are?

I wonder, how do we change this system? How do we dismantle it and rebuild a better one? We are capable, of that I’m sure. And we have certainly the numbers. So where do we begin?

With such a spiritual group, I am wondering how we can begin the process of making a more sustainable and equitable system so people have the time to truly share their light with this world. That is why we are here after all. Not for the dollar bill, not for a ride to the ground floor. We are here to raise each other up. Why does that seem so hard to do? I want to know: How do you believe this shift begins? Let’s start building something better.

Posted in Just Sayin, PsychicsForetell, Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

It’s Not Eagles vs Patriots


my prayer flags blew over the fence. truly righteous prayers recognize no boundaries.

it isn’t a flag that unites us. no song can make us one.

i understand why Colin kneels. that is how i pray too.

true patriots seek to unite.

#philadelphiaeagles #nfl #flagsandprayers #thewayibee #feelthemusic

Posted in Just Sayin, poetry, Uncategorized, Vibes | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Feel the Music

The following is a quote by my nephew.  Today is the first anniversary of his passing. 

I know his soul lives on, I feel it every now and again.  Hear it.  See it.  But I can’t see him in body, and I cry every day.  I cry for myself and the world’s loss.  Not for him.  For him, I smile.  I know he is free.  

IMG_3890

“With an unrelenting commitment to experience and understand life’s greatest moments, I challenge myself and others from all walks of life to embrace our differences, accept our past and present, and follow the music of life to a place where the only thing greater than our achievements is the pride we feel looking back on them…  Feel the Music”

Larry Ahn, Jr.

Posted in poetry, Uncategorized, Vibes | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments