I. Am. Love.

Another of August’s posts for the peeps over at PsychicsForetell.

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This morning’s meditation:  “Be still and know that I am.”

I sit first with the stillness, which at first is not still.  I set an alarm so I can let go of time.  I know for the duration of my meditation, I am unwilling to act on anything.  All thoughts of things to be done float off into a land the alarm will bring back to me.  Now is not the time for making plans.

It is the time to observe, to witness, to listen.  And see where that leads.  This day, it leads me to Love.

And really, that is all I am.  That is all we all are.  Beings of love.  In the stillness I see life is not about having faith in some separate entity.  Because I am.  And you are.  It is faith that the love in our hearts will prevail.  It is an understanding that love connects and transcends all.  It is knowing that the most powerful thing I can do is to love myself unconditionally as a divine being blessed with this life experience so I can share my love unconditionally in this world.

It is a commitment to love harder when something or someone is hard to love.  For love is the highest expression of life and its deepest Truth.  Knowing this, I will take my share of this life for all the time I have it and invest it in Love.  And it will be a life well spent.

I am listening for the love present in each moment.  I am making room for its magic to work upon my mind so that I can engage in each moment with Love in my heart and kindness on my tongue.  I am finding my way in this world through Love.  I am.  I am.

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Healing Journey: Shine – Angels and Ancestors

June’s post for the fine folks over at Nourishing Storm.  

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I find myself drawn to the ancestral knowledge of this Earth and the divine inspiration of the Winds. I find my balance there. I find my integrity.

I look to the wisdom of traditions, find the common Truths of the stories we’ve all been told. And I trust these Truths like I do the stars, like a compass. Then I lick my finger and feel the winds to see which way the energy is flowing. I seek to strengthen my mind, free my imagination and deepen my faith every day. My way is made as I go.

All of our ancestors told the same tales at their most basic level. Common threads. Of Love and Truth and Light. And the universe tells us we are on the right path with little coincidences that we feel in our heart and gut as inspired moments. We were given the tools and the challenges to help us get into our own. To be our own best. We just forget our lessons sometimes.

So here is another story. One from my imagination. It blew in on the latest breeze. An interpretation of an old story and my latest experience of its Truth:

Here, in this world, life started as Light. Everything else manifested from this Light. And it was good. We came to this world as our own unique vibration. An extension, in the image, of the Divine. The price of coming to this place to help in its evolution is the knowledge of good and evil. But it wasn’t a knowledge of right or wrong. It was a knowledge of the best and worst that we are capable of. A knowledge of joy and a knowledge of pain. That is the price of this existence, of life. We get to bring to this world our own particular vibration that can only be shared when we are true to ourselves, true to the love within us. All the while our sensory bodies must endure the experiences of this place that make it ugly and beautiful. Each sensory body must accept its own ugliness and beauty too. Our experience of all these energies can enslave us to Fear or free us through Love. Our choice. Our will. Our experience. Our life.

No more waiting now my dear. We were born from Light. We were made to shine.

“The whole planet Earth shines with exactly the same radiance, and I am a part of it, and it is a part of me. And I know it is all temporary. Earth has given me a vehicle for staying on it, and I am beyond the vehicle.” – Yogi Bhajan​, The Teachings of Yogi Bhajan: The Power of the Spoken Word

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Heal the Divide: How His Kneeling Speaks to Me

FullSizeRender (24)He does not stand for the anthem.  Not because he does not love his country.  Not because he stands against the nation of his birth. 

He respectfully kneels.  He does not turn his back.  He does not spit on the ground.

No.  He solemnly, quietly kneels.  Because he placed his hand over his heart.  And with it his trust in this nation.  And it has let him down.  It has let us down.  Or is the oath we pledged since childhood a lie?  For anyone who cares to look will see.  We are not indivisible and so there can be no justice for all.

And so he kneels and silently waits.  For us to come together.  To find our footings on a common  and even ground.

It’s a simple truth remembered:  United we stand, divided we fall.

He kneels for all the fallen.  And he hopes to one day to stand again.

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Forgiving My Darkness

First of the August posts for my fabulous friends over at PsychicsForetell.

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I had one of those days.  I don’t know what it was but I woke up with a chip on my shoulder.  I had a series of things that just really pissed me off over the prior few days and I really didn’t take the time to address just how angry I was.  I let the resentment boil instead.  And so I woke up on the wrong side of the bed without any damn covers.

That angry vibe held on as I rushed through my morning routine to get out the door to work.  I kept emanating that frequency on my commute and the universe responded.  My coffee sucked, the skies were gray, I got stuck at every light.  A guy tried to pass me as I stopped to let a flock of geese cross the road.  Then he did pass me almost hitting the last one in line.  I gunned my truck to catch up actually thinking about rear ending him.  I thought better of that plan but man, I wanted blood.  It was one of those days that I should have called out, but I’m a one woman operation so. . .  instead I just got angrier.

I hadn’t let anger keep hold of me for that long since the days at my old job.   Days where I’d sit in my cube and see one of the office hammers approaching and think, “Oh please let this mothercusser come up and say something stupid to me.  Cuz I got something for his ass today.” Yeah, that used to be my daily internal dialogue.  C’mon Cletus, bring it!   Until I stopped resisting the truth that I needed to leave.

Funny thing is I’ve been working hard on my compassion game lately.  I’ve noticed I’ve been a little numb to it over the last few weeks.  I also realize I’m in the midst of an emotional reboot as I’ve experienced one of those world changing events – death.  And maybe I’ve hit that angry phase of grief.  I’m not sure but a perfect storm of emotions is hitting my soul hard.  I’ve been broken open and I have to make a decision on whether I want to be bitter and angry and close up my cracked heart or do some inside work to keep it open.

I want to do the work.  So I accept the challenge the universe and handed me.  I know it is only responding to the energy I am releasing.  Hell  I probably brought that asshat to the goose crossing with all my angry vibes.  And the universe will keep testing me until I learn how to transmute this new strong emotion.

I know of only one true remedy for anger.  Forgiveness.  And I’m pretty sure if I get there I will find the compassion I can’t seem to feel any more.

I’ve got the answer to the final question on this test.  I just have to see if I have the strength and courage to speak it.  Wish me luck.

The universe tests us when we get stuck in emotional holding patterns that don’t serve our soul’s growth.   When life keeps throwing up the same roadblocks ask yourself, what lesson am I resisting?

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Soul of Love

Last of July’s blog posts for the free spirits over at PsychicsForetell.

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Relationships aren’t easy.  Even the best ones.  Or possibly especially the best ones.

I remember as a little girl believing true love was like rainbows, unicorns and cotton candy.  The more I live, I believe I was right.  Only sometimes it can be more like riding an ill-tempered unicorn after eating too much cotton candy through every color in the world.

Don’t get me wrong.  I believe in soul mates.  I believe in twin flames.  I believe in karmic relationships too.  But I mostly believe in our ever expanding consciousness and that all relationships can serve that purpose on some level.

I do believe in meeting someone and having an inexplicable reaction beyond anything physical. A knowing, if you will, that this person is a part of my story somehow and maybe always has been.  But I do not think any person completes another.  Wholeness comes from within and I believe the truth of a soul level relationship can only be manifested to its fullest when both souls own their individual wholeness.  Otherwise, in my opinion, there is an inequality or a burden placed on one that instead creates a negative karmic relationship.  It is a lot of pressure to put on a body to complete someone else.

As a girl of science, I like to look at relationships like chemical bonds.  Covalent bonds are bonds formed by the sharing of electrons between two atoms.  Ionic bonds have a relationship where one atom has an electron to give and the other needs one, an attraction occurs and the electron is exchanged.  It is still argued on which bond is strongest.  In a vacuum, it requires more energy (like heat) to break an ionic bond while in water, covalent bonds tend to be stronger.  So what am I getting at here before I drift away into science teacher land?

I believe we all are here for continuous growth.  We develop relationships that contribute or challenge that growth.  The bonds we make can be with a mutual sharing of our energies and can create a lasting contentment, like soul friendships.  Or they can be a mutual give and take that stretches us to explore the polarities of our being, like the mirror qualities of a twin flame. Throw in some water, which I associate with the flowing qualities of emotions, or some intense heat (i.e. drama), and the bonds can weaken, break or dissolve.  Sometimes that’s it.  But in some cases, new bonds are formed which I liken to the deepening of relationships, where we withstand the test of the outside elements and evolve with them.

Regardless of the chemistry in our relationships, the bottom line is, is it working for you?  Not –  is it easy? Is it all sunshine and roses? Or is it my fate to settle for this?  But instead, do I constantly feel indebted or drained by this relationship?  Does this relationship build me up with its challenges? Or am I resisting challenges because it is easier to let go?

Whether the relationship is with a soul mate or not, the relationship itself has a soul.  And we need to discern which relationships have a soul worthy of our tending.

I believe all relationships we have serve a purpose on our journeys.  In all our incarnations, we make connections and create karma, which is just a word for action (and remember science –  for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction).  We strive to be whole and complete beings that are aware and conscious of the ways of the universe and along the way, we bond with others.  Some relationships are not meant to last, but only to deliver one lesson, complete some karma or contribute to our growth to another level.  And some, with proper nurturing and understanding, are made to withstand the tests of time.  Ultimately, we as individuals need to give ourselves our deepest love and acceptance first so that we may recognize the difference.

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Coincidence? I Think Not

Another of July’s posts for PsychicsForetell.

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I want to share a story with you.

It was my first day back to work.  I stopped to say goodbye to my sister and brother-in-law as they headed back home.  There were in town to tell us in person that my nephew was gone.

I didn’t want to work.  I didn’t want them to leave.  I didn’t want to be home.  I didn’t want to move.  I didn’t want to be still.

My drive to work was a series of sobs and screams.  Tears and curses.

But I went to work.  I wanted to get away from my thoughts.  I wanted to cut my mind out of my skull.  My heart hurt.  It hurt so bad.  And my throat felt like it would split from the pressure of my grief.  Grief that couldn’t find expression yet.

I begged from the core of my being for some sign that would bring me peace.  A sign his energy, his vibration, was still with us, just in a different way.  I asked for feathers.  They would be my sign.

I was in a gym of a corporate building doing massage for employees. And I wanted feathers. I asked for something unlikely. And I went on doing my job, searching for them. I waited to see them fall from the ceiling. Something. Anything. But I saw nothing.

As I was packing up and leaving I checked my phone. A friend had sent me a message. It was a video of the Hill of Tara. She was in Ireland and completely unaware of the recent events in my life. It was a video of crows. It seemed like hundreds of them. Everywhere. One of my favorite birds.

I responded, “I love crows! They are my self healing totem.” Not really thinking much of it.  She answered, “I picked up a feather for you.”

I exhaled from some deep place within me. He is not gone.

The universe speaks to us. The universe responds to us. I wish it was in English but it is, well, universal. It is a language of feelings and synchronicities. Our hearts are our translators and our guts our fact checkers. Ask for a sign. And then (here’s the hard part) be open to receiving it. The universe is always speaking to us. Imagine what may happen if we all start listening. Please feel free to share your story with the community. You never know if your story is the one someone else needed to hear.

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Old Bones

First of July’s posts for the fantastic folks at PsychicsForetell.com


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My mom always says, “Getting old ain’t for sissies.”  And every morning when I get up with a new ache, I believe it.

I do physical work for a living and, as I age, I feel it.  For every new pain I get, I’ve probably got two nagging old ones to go with it.  And the nagging old ones just seem to get louder.  As for the actual  shape of my body?  Lately it seems like one day of poor eating and no exercise easily translates to 10 pounds right in the middle.   On top of that, what used to take a week to fix is now more like a month.

And still, even after a month of diet and sit ups, the pounds I have left aren’t in the same places. My boobs’ new favorite song?  “Up Where We Belong”.   Yeah, getting old ain’t for sissies. That’s for darn sure.

But as with most things, I’m finding an attitude of gratitude goes a long way in changing my energy.  I could lament all the things that are never going to be the same or I can be thankful for the opportunity to see another brand new day.  Not everyone gets the privilege to see their later years.   Not everyone gets to see tomorrow.   I count myself lucky so far.

With that I’ve started embracing my aches and pains.  I give thanks when I hear the creak of my knees as I get out bed.  Hearing that snap, crackle, pop means I’ve got another day to experience life.  I’ve got at least one more opportunity to give love in this world.  And in that way, I’m blessed.

To be honest, as I change my perspective on aging, I transform my entire experience of aging.  I tune out of my pain more easily.  I could complain and feel miserable, but that would be the most fantastic waste of my precious time.  I still got life flowing through these old bones.  And life is nothing less than the greatest magic.  And as long as I get to stick around this place, I will be a grateful magician.

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