Understanding Ego

Another of my August posts from PsychicsForetell


So often I hear people talking about ridding themselves of their ego, as if it is not an inseparable piece of who we are.  We are told by many that the ego is bad and we need to shut it down. Then we hear messages about a “healthy ego” and wonder if we heard wrong when we were told we should ditch it.  It is confusing.  So what’s the deal with the ego?

My studies of Ayurveda have given me some personal clarity on the subject.  The Vedic philosophies tell the story of the evolution of man from subtle to gross and then the involution of man to reconnect to his/her subtle nature.  When seen through the Ayurvedic lens, I feel the ego is more clearly understood.   The following is my breakdown of what I have studied.

In the beginning there was just consciousness without awareness (God, The Force, insert whatever name you have given the be-all-end-all of life).  This consciousness is without awareness because  it was all there was, so there was nothing else to be aware of.  No separation, no division, just pure consciousness.

At some point, awareness was born.  I like to think of the infinity symbol (like an eight) and believe at some point consciousness folded upon itself and in the friction of that touch there was a vibration born.  This created the first division that allowed consciousness to be aware of itself. In the ancient texts, this vibration was Aum (or Amen – the word of God).  While still very subtle in nature, the first gross aspect (Prakriti or primordial matter) was realized and the union of the primordial energy and this matter became Mahat (universal intelligence, Holy Spirit).  The flow of this intelligence is called Prana.    Mahat, when realized on an individual level, is what is called the Buddhi.  This would be the state of being attained when we are consciously aware of life without any attachment to it, just witnessing. We can access this space but we cannot live there and maintain our earthly experience.

Below Mahat and Buddhi is Ahamkara.  This is the ego.  It is the birth of self.  It literally translates to “I am”.  This is where individuation truly begins.  This is where the “I” becomes the center which has to mean our boundaries have been defined.  After all, there can be no center found if our edges are not established.  Since this is a universal principle, all that is created must have an ego.  We are then part of a collective ego of the Earth and, in our individuation, we also have an ego of our own.

Life breaks down further into all of the universal attributes: the mind, the elements, the forces, senses and body.  But for this post, we are really just concerned with the ego.  It is the ego that makes us our own individual being.  It is the ego that gives us our identity.  Without the ego, we have no earthly experience.  So by my understanding,  we cannot rightly seek to rid ourselves of the ego.   If we did, the experience would have to end.

So then what’s the deal with all the down talking on the ego?  I believe, it is when we seek to define our experience solely through our individual ego and limit ourselves by believing our perspective is the only true perspective that we get into trouble.  When we have no regard for the collective and universal principles that we are born from and possess within, and believe the collective experience should just a mirror our own individual view.  This is where we falter and limit our experience by isolating it.

The ego is the process of differentiating us from the rest of the universe, but it is not a separation from the universe.  All that ever was is still within us.   The ego just fixes us in time and space, gives the subtle frame for the body to form around.  It is what allows us to experience this place.  So just as the body is the temporary vehicle that allows us to explore the world, the ego is the temporary vehicle to explore the universe.  The problem is when we get entrapped within our earthly egos, when we have allowed them to become larger than life. Above our egos, we realize we, as individuals, are just a drop in the cosmos but we, as part of the cosmos, are boundless.

So we need to nurture the ego, not beat it up.  We need to feed it in healthy ways to establish ourselves within the context of our experience.  We need to allow the ego to be rigid enough to maintain our personal integrity and to prevent another from diminishing our experience.  But still soft enough to understand, at the core, all life is one.

This is my understanding of the ego.  And I am hoping others may share their understanding with the community.  We all have unique perspectives.  What is yours?

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Heavenly Soul in a Material World

Another summertime post for the folks at PsychicsForetell.

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I have had one of those life cleaving events.  Those that make all those truths pour out of your soul, truths that force your acceptance or denial.  Truths that, if accepted, will shift the way you perceive everything.  And if denied, become limiting factors in your character.

You know the experience, the kind that makes those things that once weighed you down so ridiculously small and life itself so incredibly large.  The kind where the universe makes so much sense while the world does not.  Where universal truths become clear and individual beliefs are tested to their breaking points.  Truths that can show you how resilient the heart can be.

Yeah, so one of those kind of events has occurred in my life.  And I am now moving through my shift and witnessing others as they move through theirs.  And this is where I’m at in my shift:

Right now the material world does not make sense to me, not stacked next to my truths.  I see things differently.  The worry that has occupied my mind over things I now see will have no real value when I come to my end.  Things like appearances and money.  The subliminal and blatant perceptions in media, marketing and mainstream thinking that try to shame me into conforming to some look or way of life.  The thinking that deems me worthless if I can’t make it within the systems in place.   I have no interest in those limited ways of looking at life.

I realize I may very well sound (be?) crazy.  But somewhere down the line somebody must have told us that our worth is a tangible thing to be calculated when our worth is immeasurable.   Our worth is as infinite as our being.  For what is more valuable than life itself?  And that is all we are.  Beings of life.

Now that I have awoken to this truth, I have to find forgiveness for these systems that have failed far too many souls.  I must forgive the systems so I am no longer tied to them.  And then I must take on the responsibility of living a life that speaks to the truths I have found so far.  And I hope do it in a way that empowers others to do the same.  I don’t know what that way is, but I trust my new compass.

I have been awakened.  Well, re-awakened. And I believe I know what life is about.  It is to allow my infinite soul to walk in this world with love as its true measure of wealth and joy as its currency.   To live with a sense of abundance born of gratitude and a sense of integrity that allows my entire self to engage with all parts of my life.  I know this world isn’t all there is.  And I’m guessing whatever is next won’t take cash or credit.  I’m investing my life in love and I have faith that I’ll have all I need.

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I. Am. Love.

Another of August’s posts for the peeps over at PsychicsForetell.


This morning’s meditation:  “Be still and know that I am.”

I sit first with the stillness, which at first is not still.  I set an alarm so I can let go of time.  I know for the duration of my meditation, I am unwilling to act on anything.  All thoughts of things to be done float off into a land the alarm will bring back to me.  Now is not the time for making plans.

It is the time to observe, to witness, to listen.  And see where that leads.  This day, it leads me to Love.

And really, that is all I am.  That is all we all are.  Beings of love.  In the stillness I see life is not about having faith in some separate entity.  Because I am.  And you are.  It is faith that the love in our hearts will prevail.  It is an understanding that love connects and transcends all.  It is knowing that the most powerful thing I can do is to love myself unconditionally as a divine being blessed with this life experience so I can share my love unconditionally in this world.

It is a commitment to love harder when something or someone is hard to love.  For love is the highest expression of life and its deepest Truth.  Knowing this, I will take my share of this life for all the time I have it and invest it in Love.  And it will be a life well spent.

I am listening for the love present in each moment.  I am making room for its magic to work upon my mind so that I can engage in each moment with Love in my heart and kindness on my tongue.  I am finding my way in this world through Love.  I am.  I am.

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Healing Journey: Shine – Angels and Ancestors

June’s post for the fine folks over at Nourishing Storm.  


I find myself drawn to the ancestral knowledge of this Earth and the divine inspiration of the Winds. I find my balance there. I find my integrity.

I look to the wisdom of traditions, find the common Truths of the stories we’ve all been told. And I trust these Truths like I do the stars, like a compass. Then I lick my finger and feel the winds to see which way the energy is flowing. I seek to strengthen my mind, free my imagination and deepen my faith every day. My way is made as I go.

All of our ancestors told the same tales at their most basic level. Common threads. Of Love and Truth and Light. And the universe tells us we are on the right path with little coincidences that we feel in our heart and gut as inspired moments. We were given the tools and the challenges to help us get into our own. To be our own best. We just forget our lessons sometimes.

So here is another story. One from my imagination. It blew in on the latest breeze. An interpretation of an old story and my latest experience of its Truth:

Here, in this world, life started as Light. Everything else manifested from this Light. And it was good. We came to this world as our own unique vibration. An extension, in the image, of the Divine. The price of coming to this place to help in its evolution is the knowledge of good and evil. But it wasn’t a knowledge of right or wrong. It was a knowledge of the best and worst that we are capable of. A knowledge of joy and a knowledge of pain. That is the price of this existence, of life. We get to bring to this world our own particular vibration that can only be shared when we are true to ourselves, true to the love within us. All the while our sensory bodies must endure the experiences of this place that make it ugly and beautiful. Each sensory body must accept its own ugliness and beauty too. Our experience of all these energies can enslave us to Fear or free us through Love. Our choice. Our will. Our experience. Our life.

No more waiting now my dear. We were born from Light. We were made to shine.

“The whole planet Earth shines with exactly the same radiance, and I am a part of it, and it is a part of me. And I know it is all temporary. Earth has given me a vehicle for staying on it, and I am beyond the vehicle.” – Yogi Bhajan​, The Teachings of Yogi Bhajan: The Power of the Spoken Word

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Heal the Divide: How His Kneeling Speaks to Me

FullSizeRender (24)He does not stand for the anthem.  Not because he does not love his country.  Not because he stands against the nation of his birth. 

He respectfully kneels.  He does not turn his back.  He does not spit on the ground.

No.  He solemnly, quietly kneels.  Because he placed his hand over his heart.  And with it his trust in this nation.  And it has let him down.  It has let us down.  Or is the oath we pledged since childhood a lie?  For anyone who cares to look will see.  We are not indivisible and so there can be no justice for all.

And so he kneels and silently waits.  For us to come together.  To find our footings on a common  and even ground.

It’s a simple truth remembered:  United we stand, divided we fall.

He kneels for all the fallen.  And he hopes to one day to stand again.

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Forgiving My Darkness

First of the August posts for my fabulous friends over at PsychicsForetell.



I had one of those days.  I don’t know what it was but I woke up with a chip on my shoulder.  I had a series of things that just really pissed me off over the prior few days and I really didn’t take the time to address just how angry I was.  I let the resentment boil instead.  And so I woke up on the wrong side of the bed without any damn covers.

That angry vibe held on as I rushed through my morning routine to get out the door to work.  I kept emanating that frequency on my commute and the universe responded.  My coffee sucked, the skies were gray, I got stuck at every light.  A guy tried to pass me as I stopped to let a flock of geese cross the road.  Then he did pass me almost hitting the last one in line.  I gunned my truck to catch up actually thinking about rear ending him.  I thought better of that plan but man, I wanted blood.  It was one of those days that I should have called out, but I’m a one woman operation so. . .  instead I just got angrier.

I hadn’t let anger keep hold of me for that long since the days at my old job.   Days where I’d sit in my cube and see one of the office hammers approaching and think, “Oh please let this mothercusser come up and say something stupid to me.  Cuz I got something for his ass today.” Yeah, that used to be my daily internal dialogue.  C’mon Cletus, bring it!   Until I stopped resisting the truth that I needed to leave.

Funny thing is I’ve been working hard on my compassion game lately.  I’ve noticed I’ve been a little numb to it over the last few weeks.  I also realize I’m in the midst of an emotional reboot as I’ve experienced one of those world changing events – death.  And maybe I’ve hit that angry phase of grief.  I’m not sure but a perfect storm of emotions is hitting my soul hard.  I’ve been broken open and I have to make a decision on whether I want to be bitter and angry and close up my cracked heart or do some inside work to keep it open.

I want to do the work.  So I accept the challenge the universe and handed me.  I know it is only responding to the energy I am releasing.  Hell  I probably brought that asshat to the goose crossing with all my angry vibes.  And the universe will keep testing me until I learn how to transmute this new strong emotion.

I know of only one true remedy for anger.  Forgiveness.  And I’m pretty sure if I get there I will find the compassion I can’t seem to feel any more.

I’ve got the answer to the final question on this test.  I just have to see if I have the strength and courage to speak it.  Wish me luck.

The universe tests us when we get stuck in emotional holding patterns that don’t serve our soul’s growth.   When life keeps throwing up the same roadblocks ask yourself, what lesson am I resisting?

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Soul of Love

Last of July’s blog posts for the free spirits over at PsychicsForetell.


Relationships aren’t easy.  Even the best ones.  Or possibly especially the best ones.

I remember as a little girl believing true love was like rainbows, unicorns and cotton candy.  The more I live, I believe I was right.  Only sometimes it can be more like riding an ill-tempered unicorn after eating too much cotton candy through every color in the world.

Don’t get me wrong.  I believe in soul mates.  I believe in twin flames.  I believe in karmic relationships too.  But I mostly believe in our ever expanding consciousness and that all relationships can serve that purpose on some level.

I do believe in meeting someone and having an inexplicable reaction beyond anything physical. A knowing, if you will, that this person is a part of my story somehow and maybe always has been.  But I do not think any person completes another.  Wholeness comes from within and I believe the truth of a soul level relationship can only be manifested to its fullest when both souls own their individual wholeness.  Otherwise, in my opinion, there is an inequality or a burden placed on one that instead creates a negative karmic relationship.  It is a lot of pressure to put on a body to complete someone else.

As a girl of science, I like to look at relationships like chemical bonds.  Covalent bonds are bonds formed by the sharing of electrons between two atoms.  Ionic bonds have a relationship where one atom has an electron to give and the other needs one, an attraction occurs and the electron is exchanged.  It is still argued on which bond is strongest.  In a vacuum, it requires more energy (like heat) to break an ionic bond while in water, covalent bonds tend to be stronger.  So what am I getting at here before I drift away into science teacher land?

I believe we all are here for continuous growth.  We develop relationships that contribute or challenge that growth.  The bonds we make can be with a mutual sharing of our energies and can create a lasting contentment, like soul friendships.  Or they can be a mutual give and take that stretches us to explore the polarities of our being, like the mirror qualities of a twin flame. Throw in some water, which I associate with the flowing qualities of emotions, or some intense heat (i.e. drama), and the bonds can weaken, break or dissolve.  Sometimes that’s it.  But in some cases, new bonds are formed which I liken to the deepening of relationships, where we withstand the test of the outside elements and evolve with them.

Regardless of the chemistry in our relationships, the bottom line is, is it working for you?  Not –  is it easy? Is it all sunshine and roses? Or is it my fate to settle for this?  But instead, do I constantly feel indebted or drained by this relationship?  Does this relationship build me up with its challenges? Or am I resisting challenges because it is easier to let go?

Whether the relationship is with a soul mate or not, the relationship itself has a soul.  And we need to discern which relationships have a soul worthy of our tending.

I believe all relationships we have serve a purpose on our journeys.  In all our incarnations, we make connections and create karma, which is just a word for action (and remember science –  for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction).  We strive to be whole and complete beings that are aware and conscious of the ways of the universe and along the way, we bond with others.  Some relationships are not meant to last, but only to deliver one lesson, complete some karma or contribute to our growth to another level.  And some, with proper nurturing and understanding, are made to withstand the tests of time.  Ultimately, we as individuals need to give ourselves our deepest love and acceptance first so that we may recognize the difference.

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