This is a test. This is only a test.

scut

Mean people suck.  Twelve year old mean people included.

I just started meditating again after taking a little hiatus.  I was surprised how easily I fell back into it.  I thought for sure it was going to take me the full hour to just be still.  But instead, two hours passed and it felt like minutes.  Lord musta known I needed it.

I went to bed feeling all glung glung zen.  Woke up feeling it too. But some bully kid and his little parrot sidekicks popped my zen bubble and had me in full on Ma Grizzly mode.  In one split second I went from “Let me be open to life and give my love and service to this world” to  “Let me open this car door and give this child the beat down his momma shoulda”.   How does that happen?

Thankfully, for my soul’s sake, I had to get to work.  And even more thankfully, I work in a yoga wellness studio and I had some sweeping to do.  I swept the floor and my mind clean.  I was still a little jacked as I recounted the incident to my friend, and fellow yogi, who was having a similar battle with choosing the calm or crazy train of thought.

So we chose to explore the crazy train and play out every possible destination it could take us.  We played out every scenario of vengeance to the point of absolute ridiculousness.  (One snippet of the conversation…. maybe I could take my lizard with me, put bones in my hair and dance around chanting Sanskrit – you know, little can’t go Karate, so go KA-Ray-Zee theory?  Cuz you know batshit crazy can bring the fear too. Maybe? No?) We played it out until we laughed about it and were sure that train wasn’t going anywhere we wanted to be heading.  We laughed until we got to the point where we chose love, even if it is was still a bit begrudgingly.  Sometimes it doesn’t feel as good choosing forgiveness in the moment, it actually is more stressful.  But we are willing to put in the work, these eyes are on the endgame.

So that night before meditation I ask again for an open heart and the discipline to live in this world with it.  I understand the world will test just how dedicated I am to my intention. I think I passed the test this time, but maybe not with the highest mark.  I did send him love and forgiveness.  But I did have a special request.  “Oh and when we send this out, make sure it’s that tough love.”  Yeah, tough love’ll do for now.  Baby steps.

Advertisements

About the.way.i.bee

Mother, Wife, Healer, Hopeful Suburban Homesteader. . . Words are my mind's tools; writing, my soul's craft; this circus of life, my heart's muse.
This entry was posted in expanding, Family Circus, Humor, Live and Learn, Uncategorized, Yoga and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to This is a test. This is only a test.

  1. MuslimYogini says:

    This made me laugh so hard! So much wisdom, I never thought about how stressful forgiving before we are ready can be. Thank you for sharing!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s