Healing Journey: Girl on Fire

The first post of new year for Nourishing Storm.  Go see what the tribe has in store for the community in 2017!

burning woman,illustration art

I sat with the new year, the new me theme in my mind. What do you hope to manifest in the new year? I sat. And sat. And sat. I was getting frustrated. Close your eyes. Breathe. Get centered. Visualize. Nothing. What do you want? I start picturing my family. In this dream house. I drink more tea and water with lemon in this house. It is perpetually spring in this house. I win the lottery in this house. I magically enjoy laundry in this house.

What are you doing? What am I doing? My goal is to like laundry? This isn’t working. So I head to the fridge. I grab some veggies. New year, shed the winter coat right? I munch on my healthy choice wondering why I can’t visualize anything true. My stomach growls. Not out of hunger. It was more of a “Really? Salad?” kind of growl. I looked at the salad put the fork down and looked out the window for inspiration. Cold rain and wind. And an empty garden bed still asleep for the winter. Mmmm sleep.

I just woke up not long ago and I’m tired. Well really I’m cold and want a blanket. And I fed myself a cold salad and expect what? It is cold and dry and my bones ache. The Vata wind is scattering my mind. And I eat a salad. And I wonder why attempts at creating a vision for my year are failing?

So I sit again. And listen. To my body this time. My inner fire isn’t getting fed right. In the quiet, I see this. It is a sputtering airy flame. Sometimes there, mostly not. I either am on task or feeling burnt and brittle. Mentally, I’m a space cadet. And I ate a cussin salad?

I need a slow, steady burn. I need warm and oily food. Grounding food. I need to oil my body, oil my feet. Self care. Build ojas, that good good earth mamma stuff that keeps me feeling solid and steady without weighing me down. I need a barrier between my skin and this cold wind. I need to feel gathered.

And the fire will come back. I rely on the inner fire in my winter. And I was so caught up in some misguided idea of what health looks like and some forced way of meditating, I ignored what I innately know. I threw myself off balance. I was too heavy on the cold air when I needed hot oil up in this jawnski.

Our eyes are our organs of Fire. Visions do not happen without the flames burning bright. If I am not solid and grounded and fully integrated into the moment, I am hollow at best. Integrity is what I want. Being all there so when I need to go all in, I can. I’m not forcing my vision. My job right now is to root down, feed my body what it needs for this time to balance. Give it love inside and out. Prepare for the fire season by making sure my pilot light stays lit. Ever ready for when inspiration strikes to ignite my soul.

Take two: I eat a slice of warm oiled grainy bread, some soft, cooked roots and a handful of nuts. And I sit sated and quiet. Rooted and open. I listen. Look ahead all you want my dear, the big picture you seek isn’t fixed and still. Visualize the way, not the end. See the things you burn for, those things that light you from within and make you shine. Healing, learning, serving, teaching, creating, loving. These torches of your truth will illuminate your way. Do you understand? Yes. Do you feel the fire rising? Yes. Good, now grab your torch and go, fearless and true. And, child, if you ever feed me a salad again when I’m cold and frazzled.. Yep, got it! Tend my fire in all its seasons. . . and you will always have its light. Sat Nam.

Develop the inner vision and the habit of listening to the inner Voice; and you are assured of unshakable Peace and infinite Joy. ~ Atharvaveda

About the.way.i.bee

Mother, Wife, Healer, Hopeful Suburban Homesteader. . . Words are my mind's tools; writing, my soul's craft; this circus of life, my heart's muse.
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