Forgiving My Darkness

First of the August posts for my fabulous friends over at PsychicsForetell.

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I had one of those days.  I don’t know what it was but I woke up with a chip on my shoulder.  I had a series of things that just really pissed me off over the prior few days and I really didn’t take the time to address just how angry I was.  I let the resentment boil instead.  And so I woke up on the wrong side of the bed without any damn covers.

That angry vibe held on as I rushed through my morning routine to get out the door to work.  I kept emanating that frequency on my commute and the universe responded.  My coffee sucked, the skies were gray, I got stuck at every light.  A guy tried to pass me as I stopped to let a flock of geese cross the road.  Then he did pass me almost hitting the last one in line.  I gunned my truck to catch up actually thinking about rear ending him.  I thought better of that plan but man, I wanted blood.  It was one of those days that I should have called out, but I’m a one woman operation so. . .  instead I just got angrier.

I hadn’t let anger keep hold of me for that long since the days at my old job.   Days where I’d sit in my cube and see one of the office hammers approaching and think, “Oh please let this mothercusser come up and say something stupid to me.  Cuz I got something for his ass today.” Yeah, that used to be my daily internal dialogue.  C’mon Cletus, bring it!   Until I stopped resisting the truth that I needed to leave.

Funny thing is I’ve been working hard on my compassion game lately.  I’ve noticed I’ve been a little numb to it over the last few weeks.  I also realize I’m in the midst of an emotional reboot as I’ve experienced one of those world changing events – death.  And maybe I’ve hit that angry phase of grief.  I’m not sure but a perfect storm of emotions is hitting my soul hard.  I’ve been broken open and I have to make a decision on whether I want to be bitter and angry and close up my cracked heart or do some inside work to keep it open.

I want to do the work.  So I accept the challenge the universe and handed me.  I know it is only responding to the energy I am releasing.  Hell  I probably brought that asshat to the goose crossing with all my angry vibes.  And the universe will keep testing me until I learn how to transmute this new strong emotion.

I know of only one true remedy for anger.  Forgiveness.  And I’m pretty sure if I get there I will find the compassion I can’t seem to feel any more.

I’ve got the answer to the final question on this test.  I just have to see if I have the strength and courage to speak it.  Wish me luck.

The universe tests us when we get stuck in emotional holding patterns that don’t serve our soul’s growth.   When life keeps throwing up the same roadblocks ask yourself, what lesson am I resisting?

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About the.way.i.bee

Mother, Wife, Healer, Hopeful Suburban Homesteader. . . Words are my mind's tools; writing, my soul's craft; this circus of life, my heart's muse.
This entry was posted in PsychicsForetell, Uncategorized, Vibes, Yoga and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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