So I’ve never been one for following signs. I’m more of a landmark kinda gal. I’ve missed a few turns along the road waiting to see something familiar. Times where I did follow the road signs and despite knowing for fact I’m on the right road, I will doubt I’m going the right way if I don’t see the landmarks I remember. I’ll feel full on panic. Yep. I stop following the signs when I find myself headed into the unknown.
True on the road and true in life. It took me til now to even write on the chapter on signs. Remember how I was blogging about Sacred Compass? Yeah, well it took me all this time to write about signs precisely because I know I ignore them. Signs in life mean change. Following signs leads to new places. Knowing which signs to follow, it takes a certain amount of grounding and authenticity. Stands to reason a girl who has always questioned her purpose and is easily persuaded has trouble discerning true signs.
Of late, signs have been all around me. I’ve been on a journey these past few months… starting sometime in the fall when I began to deepen my practice of faith and yoga. When I committed to being mindful and present, aware and grateful, honest and real. At the start, there was a set back. A friend lost his son. I questioned my faith in everything as I watched helplessly as hearts and dreams shattered around me. But I somehow held firm to my commitment. I kept the skeleton of my practice going until the spirit of it could come back. Going through the motions, continuing my practice, saved the seat for my faith. And it did come back. And then it carried me through.
When it did, so did an unsettling dissatisfaction with the way I spent a big chunk of my time. It wasn’t a new feeling but it was deeper, maybe with the new understanding that time is so very fragile. I knew soul deep that I was wasting my precious time at my place of work. At first I focused on changing my attitude towards the situation, as I felt I was this whole other being when I was there. And I guess it worked for a time. But the knowing that I am not working towards my fullest potential, toward being my fullest self, would always gnaw at me.
When I started writing the theme blogs for my yoga studio, I incorporated them into my practice. I explored them and married them with my spiritual practice and fixed my eyes on everything I loved in my life. With my eyes on love, the signs started showing up everywhere. But still I resisted. All signs seemed to scream to jump ship. To ditch my steady paycheck with benefits? I’m an adult with a family for God’s sake, I can’t afford to be so reckless. And how do I know it’s not just me seeing what want to see? Right?
By the end of March, the signs were flying. Dreams were vivid. Birds seemed to be talking to me. (Yeah, yeah birds… hokey i know… but true – specifically cardinals…) Random words, fortune cookies, the time it’d always seem to be when I’d glance at the clock or see a sign (11:11 or 12:12 always!). Resisting it felt like a noose around my neck. Everything in my life seemed to culminate to my exodus from the cubical life. A leap that reads pretty tame on the screen, but with nothing to jump on but an idea and riding solely on faith, it’d be scary as hell. But less frightening to me than the idea of staying in a place until I give up on the idea that I can be more and never ever going for it.
So I did it. I Daffy Ducked it right out the side wall. And yeah, it was scary as hell. My first thought, “What the cuss did I just do???” My last day was 4/24. I randomly decide to look up the numerology (because that is what everyone thinks to do on their last day of their steady job that they just up and quit because they were sick of banging their head on the low ceiling…). And this is what I find.
Whaaaatttt? Crazy right? But sweet! Angelic assistance! Yes, please and thank you!
And here I am only about a week into my new life. Remembering my natural gait. So soon I’m back in tune with the rhythm of nature, on top of the pulse of my home. And I’m building my healing practice. And I’m writing…..
Doubts have risen but new signs quickly silence them. I’m open. Open for business, open for possibilities, open for life. I can find another dead end job if I have to. But I can’t risk never taking the chance at something better. This life is calling to my heart. The signs are everywhere. My faith is strong. It’s time.