A post from PsychicsForetell‘s blog I wrote in 2017.   

I have believed in my past that by eliminating from my sight all the scary, painful, ugly bits I find in life, I can somehow eliminate them from my knowing.  But I have found that these are the things that offer me the most growth.  And if left abandoned, these are the things that will keep me from living a life as my most authentic self.

Life has forced me to confront these things.  Over and over with circumstances beyond my control where I lost my pride, my confidence and my faith.  In those spaces of chaos, the hurt or the fear I experienced drew some dark truths from the depths of my soul.   Each time I felt desolate or tortured or humiliated or broken, I found a new low to explore within.  But before I came to understand this work, I couldn’t be rid of the stench of my pain fast enough.  So I’d deny these lows existed.  I mistakenly thought I was healing.

But the truths I glimpsed there, though dark, are still true.  Truth isn’t always pretty.  And if I hope to reach my fullest potential, my soul’s compass must recognize both poles.  So I’ve sought to befriend my dark truths.  I must know my edges to find my center.

To get comfortable enough to explore my low spots has required forgiveness.  A forgiveness for the ugliness inside of me and for times I knew better than my actions or words would suggest.  It is acceptance or else filter the ugliness from my experience and risk living falsely.

The way I see it, if I can’t accept all the truths I’ve encountered, then the ground I stand upon is a lie.  And my roots will be too shallow to grow me up to the heights I know I can reach.  But if my roots can go a bit deeper, I can reach a place where the winds can’t rattle my soul.  Because I can find my true center and can give myself the grace to bend with the storms.

And so I keep digging.  And further down the rabbit hole I go.