Last of June’s posts for the good peeps over at PsychicsForetell.
I decided to revisit my intention for the year. To live fully with integrity. To do this I must know my full truth and accept it. The wonderful, the terrible and the God awful, all of it.
To live with integrity is to live without worry about how I will be perceived by others because I know I am living my truth. When I live with integrity, words and deeds jive and I resonate with a universal vibe. In that way, I level up from worry and fear because I know my Truth and I’m cool with it.
As I sit with a heavy emotion, I find myself discovering a more subtle level of integrity. How do I integrate experiences of the deeper emotions? The feelings I do not want to know. How do I find integrity and wholeness with an emotion that feels like it is tearing me apart?
I’m finding as I sit with this grief the pain isn’t from me falling apart. It is the emotion carving out space in my heart. It is the emotion asking me to find a deeper truth in my soul to fill in that space. To find a new understanding of myself and this world and beyond it all. And my integrity is maintained as I let that new truth settle into my bones. It isn’t easy and it hurts. But I have lived this now and it has changed me. And I would be disrespecting myself if I tried to keep living with my old limited view.
In this space, it comes down to a choice. Do I choose fear and pretend I don’t have this deeper knowing? Or do I stay open to this excavation of my soul and allow it to dig deeper still?
It is hard to accept the darkness of life. But it is still life, isn’t it? I cannot separate the dark from the light and be whole. Not if it is true. So I accept it and allow it to season me how it will. And I keep hold of the love as I find my new stride. In this way I move through this space with my Truth intact. In this way, I move forward with integrity.
How have you integrated life’s deeper lessons? How do you find your Truth in the dark?
the.way.i.bee 
Growth can/usually is painful and often requires darkness. Can’t explain things, only observe them and ponder. The corn plant which is a dicot requires darkness to grow.. I’m not a plant pathologist, but that’s the way I understand things. Darkness may be bad, but it may also be necessary.
I agree, Glenn. I know my own dichotomy used to make me feel at odds with myself. But I’m accepting my darkness, I find my wholeness and my truth more deeply in these contrasts. I’m not afraid of the dark. Just still trip and fall a lot there. Still working on my night vision 😉
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The info in this pose was just from my own heart. I had made an intention for myself in the beginning of the year – to live with integrity. After a devastating loss in my family, I realized that I was straying from my intention. I wasn’t allowing the whole of my experience to integrate. I was denying myself the truth of what I was feeling because I wasn’t allowing my grief to move through me and do whatever it would. I was trying to stay the same but the loss changed me. So this post was about digging a bit deeper down and letting my new reality to settle in.